sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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