I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
