Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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