he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
