Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
