I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I smell stomach acid.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and she was petting her beer can
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
