please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize