Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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