I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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