we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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