dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
