On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
