i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
