Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
