8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
