I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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