Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
