nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
