Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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