Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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