did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So squirting runs in the family.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
