TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i think my cat just said my name.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
