I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
