how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
