the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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