so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
