I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
