i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
