forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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