I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
