He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
