I could make wine with my vomit
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
