the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
