if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
