I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
