two words: eviction party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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