I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
