I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
