i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize