I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
