I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want her autograph on my taint
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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