I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
