my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
