why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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