i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
