i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
