Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
