I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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