I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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