what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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