I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
