How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
