Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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