yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
