Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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