HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
