girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
