beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
