i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
