I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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