Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
