Your mouth is God's brothel.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
