i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You can't special order awesome
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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