Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
