I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we made out on top of his cat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
