I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
