I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
