What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You pole danced in your parka.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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