I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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