You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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