I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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